Have you ever felt completely obsessed by a man?
Where you can’t eat, sleep, or look at a telephone without thinking about him?
Where you spend most of your time trying to figure out what went wrong or why he hasn’t called, or why he’s all of a sudden so distant?
I remember that feeling of dread in my stomach.
Most of my clients have been through that – sometimes over and over again.
Doesn’t it just make you feel like you’re back in high school?
Like your hormones seem to have complete control over your body and your mind and you’re just living off of the crumbs he gives you?
Or what you remember he once gave you?
It doesn’t have to be like that.
Just because we’re women, because we’re sensitive, kind and caring doesn’t mean we have to give ourselves up to keep our men.
In fact, it’s just the opposite.
We keep our men always moving toward us by reducing their importance in our lives.
Sounds easy, I know, but truly – there’s a way to make this change for yourself that’s not hard work or painful – it just takes a step-by-step approach, and you have to know the steps.
I remember a man taking over so many of my thoughts that it seemed like he was taking over my life, too.
And I remember that happening over and over again, like a record I couldn’t turn off.
It would be a different man, but the same record.
I felt humiliated.
But I figured it out, and when I did, the record stopped and the men who showed up were completely different than those men I’d been so hung up on.
That’s when my husband showed up, and I was able to fall in love with him, let him pursue me and WIN me, marry me – all without hearing those obsessive thoughts in my head.
And if I did it – I know you can.
Here to help you get started:
Even if you’ve never had a full-blown obsession with a man, where you can barely imagine living without him and always live in fear of him breaking up with you, have you ever run your schedule around him?
Made your plans around him?
Watched what you said and didn’t say around him?
Wanted to make him happy and make him love you so much that you forgot how to just be yourself?
Thought his moods were your fault?
Thought when he withdrew that what you needed to do was be “nicer” and “more understanding?”
Well, the first thing to do that will work the fastest to reduce the importance of a man in your life (even if he’s the most important thing – I don’t want you to allow him to become the only important thing) is to stop doing all of the above.
That means – no scheduling around him, no making plans around him, no watching what you say and don’t say, no trying to make him happy or make him love you, no “nice” and no “understanding” when something he does or doesn’t do makes you unhappy.
The second thing is to get something else important into your life.
And that would be you.
Here’s how it works:
You look out a window and imagine what it is that you love (aside from him).
Imagine the love in your heart, all that energy and sweetness and passion, going out the window to that thing you love – it might be painting, or the beach, or giving to those less fortunate, or helping people in your special, unique way.
Of course, I call this out the window.
These two steps sound easy, and they are.
If you’re willing.
Because before you can make any kind of change, you have to want to.
And it’s hard to want something you’ve never seen or done before (except with men you don’t care about).
It’s hard to believe, if you’ve never seen it work, that it will work.
And yet, I’ve seen it work brilliantly in my own life,
You won’t be the one woman it doesn’t work for.
No matter how unusual you believe you are, no matter how low your self-esteem, no matter how scattered your thoughts or how negative you feel right at this moment, it will work.
As soon as you stop doing all the man-pleasing behaviors you’ve been doing, you’ll see two things happen:
One, your man, or the man emailing you, or the man you’re meeting for a first date at a coffee shop, will sit up and notice that you’re a very cool girl.
He’ll notice you’re cool, because you’ll probably be the first woman he’s met who doesn’t need to think about how he’s doing before she thinks about how she’s doing!
He’ll notice that there’s absolutely no pressure in being with you.
He’ll notice that you trust yourself enough to be yourself instead of wondering and caring what he thinks about you.
He’ll notice that you trust him enough to be yourself instead of wondering and caring what he thinks about you.
And it’ll be such a relief, such a powerful, mysteriously sexy thing for him to be with a woman who puts herself first, he’ll be like a kid in a toy store, and you’re the best toy.
You’ll see his energy come toward you in a different way than you’re used to.
Instead of working hard to get his interest, instead of working at being smart, clever, charming and appealing, you’ll be shocked to notice he just thinks you are smart, clever, charming, appealing, and totally sexy.
You lean back, and he leans forward.
And that’s only step one.
*** Step two, out the window lets you come alive with the passion you feel for your own interests.
He gets to be around while you share your deepest feelings about small things – like the weather, the restaurant atmosphere, the trip you took last year – and almost immediately, he starts to feel that “Here’s a woman with emotional depths. She gets me!”
And he leans in toward you. And he listens to you.
And he asks questions.
And then when you gently toss the ball back to him with a “And how ’bout you?” He feels so comfortable with you, he tells you everything.
Because you’re so not caring about impressing him with how you understand and hear everything he says (if it’s interesting, right?) you’re able to just lean back and listen, and
Be there with him.
He’s so unused to any woman just being , instead of always doing around him all the time, you completely capture his attention, his energy, his heart.
And this is how it works.
Even with just this bit of information, you can completely turn around a relationship you’re already in, or completely change your love life.
These two steps will change your mind set – the way you think about being in a relationship and what you have to do to keep it going.